The Vomit bar is totally the coolest bar in Stockholm!

In Swedish the word spy means vomit. What's really weird is that there is a very trendy sort of exclusive club in Stockholm called Spy Bar. WHAT?! That's basically like naming a bar in America "Vomit Bar" because vomit meant something cool in another language.

Oh my god! Have you like tried this like new bread? It's like sooo good!

When it comes to Fucking, Please- Not so fast!

Austria's top 3 most popular cities:

1) Vienna

2) Salzburg

3) ....

Shikko peed all over it until he couldn't pee any more.

French Florian says...

BITE in french just means dick. So what a surprise when I arrived in australia and all those fast food shops were called, "fishy bite" "tasty bite"

Kyle from Czech Republic says...

Mochila means backpack in Spanish, which in Czech sounds like močila meaning "she was peeing".

In a similar vein, natural (pronounced in Spanish) sounds like the Czech načural, which means "he peed" but being a prefixed perfective verb has more of the sense like "he peed all over it until he couldn't pee any more".

In Czech a common way to say "really?" is "fakt?" with a short a, which sounds just like English "fucked?"

The pee one reminds me of my uncle's unfortunate doggie. Well, his name is Chico but here in Sweden it's pronounced Shikko. I knew this doggie and thought nothing of the name until I went to Japan as an exchange student and quickly learned that Shikko means pee in Japanese.
I thought this was hilarious, a little unfortunate, but realized it was even worse when my friend from Lithuania told me Shikko meant poop in Lithuanian! HAAAAA! Poooooor Shikko!

He looks sad doesn't he :(

Don't laugh at him!

Speaking of names that are funny in other languages, a guy told me about a web forum where this interaction took place between two users, "jettekuk" and "ironi"

jettekuk: can anybody help me?
ironi: jettekuk, i hope you realize your nickname means huge cock in swedish (and maybe other languages as well)
jettekuk: no i didn't know that
jettekuk: my name is jettek and i live in the uk

These chips taste like fish!

Flavia from Helsinki told me about some yummy chips you can find in Finland. They come in a pussi (bag in Finnish) :D

Practice safe sex! Don't eat French soup!

My friend Bruno emailed me a funny story which I will now try to translate so everyone can have a laugh at his friend's expense...

"My American friend was in a restaurant in France and was ordering soup. For some reason he wanted to be sure there weren't any preservatives in the soup and therefor asked the waitress if there were any "des préservatifs" in the soup, upon which the confused waitress said no, there weren't any as far as she knew. My friend wondered why the waitress had looked so strange when he asked and realized later it was because 'préservatifs' means condom in French and not preservatives like in English."

Look at socks while sucking cocks...

Risk of clams!!!!

But in Sweden kläm means squeeze, klämrisk is risk of being squeezed.

It looks like "squeeze" is too mild of a word to described how screwed that guy in the elevator is.

But let's talk about what everyone loves...

vulgarity!

Adrian tells me...

In Serbia a lovely couple showed me their travels across latinamerica and the name of the album was
"Sergei i Miona Putopis" = "Sergio and Miona Travels"

But as a spanish speaker "Ser gay(to be gay) y Miona (and Pisser) PutoPis (faggot-Piss)" I thought I was about to see some nasty German porn.

I was also informed that in Finnish "Katsoa sukkia" means to look at socks. Italians find that funny because "to suck cock" (cazzo succhia) has exactly the same pronunciation in Italian.

"Katsoa merta" (Finnish) means look at the sea, and to Italians that sounds like "dick shit". (cazzo merda)

Some more delightful information was sent to me...

Kuh in german is cow but in Portuguese cu (same pronunciation) is anus.

Swedish bil (car) means buttock in Dutch and trött in Swedish means bitch in Dutch.

The Danish word for sand dunes is klit like the American short form for clitoris.

This reminds me of a ski place in Swedish called Orsa Grönklitt. Grön is Swedish for green. Green Clit! :p

In Denmark when something is in operation or motion, an elevator for example, a sign lights up to tell you this. It says "I fart".

The Nissan 4WD that is called "Pajero" in Europe has a different name in South America since it means "Wanker" in their Spanish.

Scum isn't always a bad thing

Is your house burning down?

Just spray some skum on it!

Ready to get in the Christmas mood?

Eat some Christmas skum!

But if scum shaped like Santa Claus isn't really your thing...

Try some skum bananas!

SKUM: Swedish for....

noun  FOAM, SPUME, FROTH, SCUM, YEAST, HEAD

 adjective DUSKY, DIM, DIMMISH, SHADY (as in a shady character), PHONEY, QUEER, FUNNY

according to Google translate

fart hinders and humpers

When driving in Sweden you might get worried when you encounter a fart hinder. But don't worry! It's just a speedbump.

Infarts are forbidden

Outfarts though, are permitted.

In Norway you'll encounter fart humpers. Don't be scared!

Cocks taste good 12 months of the year

Thanks everybody! The hilariousness just keeps pouring in.

Let's start with a quote from my friend Sarah who while looking at previous posts said...

omg im cracking up!

what it sounds like is that sweden uses a mixture of other country's curses to form their language

 Yes! Interesting observation, Swedish: The most inappropriate language!

So most of us have heard the names Dick and Willy etc. and don't really react, but a woman reminded me of the name "Kok", which is both a first name and family name in Dutch. That reminded me of a friend who was seeing a Dutch guy with the last name of Kok. She said it was a quite appropriate name because apparently he had a big Kok.


Then that reminded me of a name my Dad mentioned a few years ago. A woman named Randy Hole. Grrrrrreat choice parents!!

I was also told...

In Swahili or the local dialect of the Meru's (Arusha, Tanzania), "sick" is a "very bad word" (I think it means "penis") and a friend of mine, who works in an orphans' home there, was stared at with disgust when she mentioned a certain girl was "sick".

A woman named Ina wrote me and said she was showering today when she suddenly realized that her Dove body wash had the strangest name. In Italian dove means "where".   Dove is the body wash??

Next an Australian guy who was spending some time in Scandinavia kept hearing people say the word FAN (the a pronounced like o in John) which means fuck used as an interjection, like you fell off your bike and say FAN!
He says...

To me it sounds like you are saying FUN which was curious as it was said at a time and in a way that didn't sound like someone was having FUN at all.

A woman named Katrin wrote me and said...

Mies means 'man' in Finnish and 'wicked/lousy' in Swiss German

A guy named Andrew told me...

Kaksteist kuud is Estonian for twelve months. The pronunciation is "cocks taste good". I share this in the spirit of scholarship and intellectualism. Not the fact it makes me snigger.

Vagina crimes

SLUT in Swedish means end. But of course, we all know what it means in English. This is really funny when English speakers are in Sweden and they are riding the train to the "slut station".
At the end of all my text messages it always says *****slut*****
I'm tired of all you so called "friends" calling me a SLUT in all your text messages!!

Keep an eye out for money saving deals when there's "Total slut rea!" Rea means a sale.
Sometimes there are SLUT SPURTs at the stores too! A spurt in Swedish is like a sprint, but spurt in English... well it makes the sluts seem so much more slutty.

Pedro left me this one...

Buseta (small bus in spanish), Buseta (whore in portuguese)

 Beep Beep! Let's ride the buseta to the slut station!

I also read that buseta is another vulgar vagina term in Portugese.


My friend Gustav reminded me of the Swedish word fack, which means a union or a compartment. But when spoken it sounds like fuck! You can also say facket, it means "the union" or "the compartment". So if they are giving you a hard time at work, FACKET! Join the facket!

FICKEN in German means to fuck, but fickan in Swedish means "the pocket".

Gustav also told me the German word knüller means something with a low price, like a special low price offer. But Knullar in Swedish means to fuck. 

The buseta told me that if you think you're getting a knüller on the fack you can put it in fickan in your jacket instead.

Gustav also sent me a link to this lovely picture...

 I'm not sure what Fit Brot is, brot means bread according to Google.
BUT! I do know what fitt brott means, it's Swedish. Fitta: vagina & Brott: a crime

vagina crime!  At this place it's cheap too. A real knüller if you know what I mean!


Ah, and my friend Max left a funny comment which I'll translate here. He said...

A little anecdote concerning knüller is that you often see signs that say "knüllerangebot" in German, which means knüller-offer!

I say as long as it's not a fitt brott that's an offer you don't want to refuse!

Kelly's favorite ones (they all seem to be inappropriate... they are the funniest!)

Chin-chin is a typical way to say cheers in a few countries,  for example Italy, France, Spain... but next time you say it you might blush when you hear that Chin-Chin in Japanese is a cute word for penis.

There is a place in Stockholm called Kungens Kurva. It means the King's curve. But kurva means whore in Slovenian... The King's whore!

Here's a sign warning of dangerous whores.

From my friend Neil's visits in Chile.

I recently made some new Spanish friends and one of them snored alllll night. He and his friends were talking about snoring in Spanish when I heard them say "roncar", the Spanish word for snore. Of course I said, WAIT! What did you say? Because in Swedish the word that sounds very similar, runkar, means to masturbate.

While spending time in Italy I told my friend about fika, the Swedish version of a nice coffee break. I told him Swedish people looooooove fika and he started laughing. I didn't understand why this was so funny till he told me that fica was a vulgar word for vagina in Italian.

A blog dedicated to language mix-ups

Have you been spending time with people who speak another language and they say a word and you suddenly say...
WAIT! WHAT DID YOU SAY??
And you realize a word in their language means something hilarious in another language?

This has happened to me over and over and I decided I wanted to start a list. But not just any list, a list that everyone can take part in and laugh at!

So heeeeeeeeeeerrrrreee we go!